war
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struggle conflict tensionvolatile thoughts ever changingthat is me
it drives crazy creativitythriving on change and transitionsbutsometimes I wish for some stabilityeven if I know, it is an illusionfeeling grounded for a moment
it won’t last long thoughas the honest and authentic life for me is in groundlessnessunfolding, really, not just sayingfreedom is fearful at timesI know this, always been like itbut it is hard, at times very hard
I just can’t get that epiphany:That is what I want to do!This is where I want to live!
lived in rural areas, islands, cities, different countriesmarried, divorced, dogs, cats, houses, cars, jobspassion, love, failed love, stormsfollowed the wind where it took mesure, nostalgia and memories are certainly therebut I would never go back to try again
being a Zen Buddhist, this all makes sense, though:impermanence, emptinessmaybe I am the embodiment of what I want to be, at the core?I just can’t or won’t accept it yet; it is fearfulsomething is pushing me, an invisible friend or enemy?
the day I surrender waving the white flagthe day of absolute clarity and absolute calmness will comeand then there is no doubtthen I will know
but until then,the struggle goes on